Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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