Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
