i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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