Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.

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(915): View more from Texas

like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.

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(206): View more from Washington

Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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(386): View more from Florida

At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?

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(802): View more from Vermont

You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.

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