I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
