I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
