it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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