How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
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