Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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