Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
