Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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