I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize