I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
