Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
