Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
