can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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