i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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