She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
