We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it hurts more in the daytime
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
