Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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