yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
