I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
