She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
