You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
