last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
