Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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