I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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