I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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