remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
