Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
