farters have to be the big spoon...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
