i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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