We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
