I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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