just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
