The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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