I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
