Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
