My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to cum in my sink.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
