I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I will pee on everything he values.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize