hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
