your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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