Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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