its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
