My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
