i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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