he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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