i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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