wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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