i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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I could fuck to npr.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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