I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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