Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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