Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize