Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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