direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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