I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
