you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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