do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
