when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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