I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
