Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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